Depression remedies

i have been a vegetarian for many years for spiritual and ethical reasons. i believe it is unnatural,unhealthy, wrong, and disgusting to eat animal flesh. i suffer from depression and anxiety. and when i have a bad episode, its like i set my ethics aside, and end up eating meat. which then makes me feel so bad about myself. sometimes its just once , other times its for months, or off and on. i wonder what they pyschology behind it is, and how can i stop doing it? i really don’t want to hear from anyone who thinks humans should eat meat. i know my ethics, i just don’t know why i struggle with adhering to them.
frank! i think it is symbolic. like nothing matters. whats the point..apathy, hopelessness, self destructive self hate. the inability to be the person i really am. bells bells